is the underperforming, disappointing culmination of the the life's work of mad millionaire Engler Werton. Originally planned as an unimportant part of a global philosophy centered around what he called "Uselessness Begets Serenity" (or UBS), Useless Sound Effects was the only idea Werton managed to get down on paper before his death in 1974 from what doctors termed "Uncontrollable Gastric Ignition Syndrome". Several months after his death, Werton's widow, the Widow Werton (or Sally Deadhubby), found the notion scrawled on a piece of paper. It passed from hand to hand until members of Gag Reflex found it being used as a bookmark in a copy of Steve Martin's "Cruel Shoes" in 1997.

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